Mars in the Fifth House

I never gave you permission,

to get inside my head.

Or did I miss that was implied,

when I crawled inside your bed?

 

Did I miss you’d keep my confidence,

somewhere amid your room.

That eventually I’d have to come for it,

so no role you’d need assume.

 

I ‘spose I should have known,

to play safer games than that.

But you had me at “we’ll stay friends”,

And made me weak with your hands across my back.

 

I ‘spose I should have known,

you were no different from the rest.

A wiser me might have predicted,

you’d only hear “easy” when too soon I said “yes”.

 

But this wound feels far from shallow,

because I can’t grasp at what I feel

Being undressed with you clouds the verdict,

On if you ever had any true appeal.

 

You could be so wrong in reality,

but I can’t see past that you never called.

So, I’m rendered fixed and fragile,

wishing I’d never given you anything at all.

 

All I know for certain,

is I didn’t think you’d turn me so pale and meek

Or that thinking about you in all that potential

would make anyone else’s seem so hollow and bleak.

 

You’re not responsible for my feelings

This is just the ego’s grand reveal.

But I wish you hadn’t conjured them up.

And made me believe,

even for a second,

they could be

something

real.

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